The Importance of Spontaneity in Your Relationship and 4 Reasons to Keep It
There’s been a lot going on in my personal life recently. As many of you are aware, Paul and I are getting married soon! We’ve been hard at work picking out photographers, caterers, invitations (Thank God for Minted!), and generally, I’ve been feeling pretty stressed. It’s true what they say about wedding planning, it can be a full time job. But, at the same time, I’ll be the first to tell you that there are large chunks of … just waiting.
So, in between those periods of waiting, I decided it was time to pursue this passion of mine that is Swift, and made the decision on July 1 to go full-time with the blog after a year of working on it part-time. It’s a scary time, but a fun time as well.
However, within this ever-evolving stratosphere, I’ve realized that I haven’t gotten to spend as much time working on some of the more “wellness” related topics that I personally wanted to talk about. I wanted to make Swift a journal for all women to come and for all women to feel heard, understood, and appreciated. Sometimes topics take a bit of developing. Other times, they just pop out at you.
Like this one did.
With so much going on, sometimes it’s easy to forget that there’s another person in your life. Especially in this last year, we had marathon ups (as well as downs), travel trips, and never-ending life adventures. Somewhere in all of that, it’s easy to lose yourself and your partner.
One weekend, we found ourselves on a rare Saturday, with energy to burn. It had been so long since I had felt encouraged to go be social or do anything else on a weekend afternoon but barely move from the couch.
Instead, we headed down to Rainey Street in Austin, Texas, for an impromptu date with some craft beers and sunshine. Even though our parking meter was up, we didn’t want to go home and walked downtown to play darts and some (very poor) games of pool.
Here’s what I learned about spontaneity that day and why it’s so important to keep it present:
Spontaneity reminds us of why we fell in love
It’s in random, unexpected moments like these that you’re able to go back to the reasons that you developed feelings for someone in the first place. When you’re able to take out the mundane daily stress from your life, you’re able to focus and be present in the moment, which means being able to truly connect with your partner. We both were able to have deep conversations without having our faces in our phones.
Spontaneity breaks the routine
Psychology Today lists “not making the relationship a priority” as the #2 reason for divorce. And it’s easy to understand why. When daily life activities take the front seat, it’s easy to see that your partner is left simply riding along. In fact, many times it leads to leading separate lives or the age-old “growing apart” line. It’s true - relationships and marriage require work to be successful, but adding a bit of spontaneity (such as an impromptu date night) can help break you out of the routine.
Spontaneity helps you to better understand your relationship
I frequently, half-jokingly say that Paul is the social chair of our relationship. He’s an entirely extroverted human while I require much alone time. This extends to spontaneity, as well. I like a set, scheduled plan. He tends to shift as the mood hits him. But being able to ebb and flow with each other—seeing it as a fun challenge, instead of burden—is one way to feel closer to your partner. Taking an impromptu turn made me appreciate his cheerful fun-loving nature and allow me to break out my comfort zone while allowing him to create a social experience with me.
Spontaneity allows us to develop new interests together
I am quite a poor pool player, but it was something that we had never done before. Come to think of it, I don’t know that we’d ever played darts together, either! But getting out and spontaneously making a decision to play a game created a desire to want to try more new, exciting experiences together. It was something that was fun, inexpensive, and allowed us to be competitively playful with each other (something we both enjoyed!).