12 Tips To Help You Keep In Better Touch With Long Distance Friends
It can be tough and disheartening when you or a close friend moves away. Hanging out, sharing experiences, and staying involved in one another’s life was once easy and natural, but once distance becomes a factor in a friendship, effort has to be made on both sides. You may find yourself struggling for ways to maintain the same level of depth and intimacy that an in-person friendship once easily sustained.
No matter how much you do miss and love your long distance friends, it can just get tough to stay in touch as much as you would like. Different schedules, time zones, work and social lives—all these factors compile over time.
Here are twelve tips to stay more connected to your long-distance friends, so that you don’t have to sacrifice those special and important relationships!
Remind them randomly and briefly that you are thinking of them.
In a long-distance friendship, sending your pal a quick text, voice message, or voicemail is a sweet, affectionate way to remind them they are loved and cared about from a distance. It’ll make their day and keep your bond as strong and relevant as it was in-person.
The reminder doesn’t have to be long or complicated—just dropping a text that you drove past something that reminded you of them, or sharing a past photo/video of a great memory the two of you shared that makes you laugh (still to this day) can go a long way.
Visualize them in the future.
If you let the relationship stay in the past and do not make efforts to visualize their friendship in your future despite the distance, then the connection is more likely to fall by the wayside. Natural progression towards the future is inevitable, and if you want this person to stay in your life for the long-run, envision and joke about how you two can grow old together and retire at the same nursing home eventually.
Avoid forgetting the important dates
When a friendship goes long-distance, acknowledging those important dates—birthdays, promotions, holidays, graduations—are important to check in because normally, you two would be celebrating those events together. Be honest, it’s sad when someone forgets your birthday, right?
Even nicer, take the opportunity to write a heartfelt letter. Once you start writing about why they are important to you and that you are celebrating with them from a distance, it can be a great reminder for you—as well as them—how awesome and strong your friendship is, and a reminder that you do not want to lose them.
Have virtual happy hours or dates
It can help to schedule a monthly date or catch up call. Grab your favorite drink, get comfortable, and set aside an unhurried amount of time to just chat about any and all things. Putting time into your schedule to unwind with your long-distance friend over Facetime can be great: no one is rushing off to somewhere else, saying “Oh, I gotta go now”, multitasking, or driving and distracted by turn signals. Schedule this happy hour as quality time with them ~via satellite~ and really dive deep into each other’s lives without a time constraint.
Stream movies together at a watch party
If the two of you had an old favorite show that you consistently enjoyed together, that doesn’t need to end! Many streaming services, such as Netflix or Amazon Prime, now offer a watch party option. Rehashing episodes of The Bachelor is a fun way to get back that old swing of gossip together.
Start a virtual book cub
Take turns selecting different monthly book picks that will encourage conversations and keep you looped into each other's lives; this is a way to share an experience while in two completely different places!
Send them snail mail
Send a sweet postcard or that heartfelt letter. Just that spontaneous gesture of affection can mean a ton to them and, if we’re being honest, it can be a bit therapeutic for you as well! Who doesn’t love to get a personal card or letter in the mail these days, since it is so uncommon? (Calling on Gen-Z to bring this back!)
Tell them what is really going on
It can be easy when catching up with your long-distance friends to only divulge the great, happy parts of life without them and skate over any hard times you are going through. This could be for a number of reasons: you don’t want them to worry, you don’t want them to think you aren’t doing well, or you find it harder to talk about difficulties when they aren’t there with you in person.
Let yourself lean on them as much as you did when you were closer distance-wise. Surface-level phone calls and texts about only day-to-day activities, while avoiding the deeper, harder topics of conversation, only go so far and can slowly loosen your bond. Emotional intimacy will keep two physically-apart people connected.
Make new memories when you can
One of the hardest things for a long distance friendship is the inability to experience life in person with them as you used to do. Those former days had really strengthened your bond, but now that you are apart and live in different cities, states, or countries, you find that it is hard to progress or maintain those once-deep connections.
When you are able to see one another in person and spend some time together, create new experiences and memories with them. Try not to merely relive and rehash the glory days, otherwise your friendship remains locked in the past and is hindered from growing in the present day.
Share new experiences, enjoy the present moment, and appreciate the person that you both are now, not who you both used to be. Experiences or activities are great bonding moments, and help ground the friendship in the present, keeping it healthy and fueled.
Use the distance to your advantage
When you do plan to meet up with your long distance friends, make the very most of it! Why not select a cool meet-up or vacation spot for your next reunion? That way, the excitement and celebration of being able to see one another in this cool place multiplies, because you get to share an amazing travel experience with them!
Select somewhere that fits both of your budgets, meet halfway between you, explore a random and unexpected place, or plan more diligently for an extended or foreign travel.
Recognize that everyone’s style of communication is different
You will have to find what works for you—the both of you. While one person may prefer to stay more connected by text messaging every other day, another may prefer to drop phone calls weekly, and yet another may not be attached to their phone at all and prefers to lean on the quality time of the annual in-person visit.
All these communication styles are different and need to find a way to co-exist and mesh. Finding a way to make those styles match can be a huge learning curve (sometimes learned by trial and error) and may require time. Eventually, if you put in the work, you can find the pattern and strategy that allows both of you to stay connected to the friendship.
If you find that driving is a perfect time to make those catch-up phone calls, or your daily walk in the park, or when you cook dinner in the evening, do be sure you are present in the phone call. These multitasking opportunities can take away from the depth of the conversation if you seem distracted, and make them feel like they do not have your full attention when you talk.
Be there for them
If you know they are going through a hard time, make the effort to be available for them. You don’t need to book same-day plane tickets, but tell them you are there for them when you need to be; that you want to be there for them.