Feeling Christmas Gift Guilt? These Experts Explain How To Navigate It
Listen closely and you’ll hear the steady clamor of festive, holiday laughter growing louder. Yet, when you listen even closer, you may realize that not everyone is laughing. The holiday season marks the biggest giving events of the year which, unintentionally, leaves many feeling “gift guilt.”
Why Do I Feel Guilty About Christmas Gifts?
There are multiple reasons for gift guilt, and they are easily explained by labeling the types of gifts we receive.
The Unexpected Gift
When we receive an unexpected gift, we sometimes feel indebted, as if we must return the favor. This is probably because many people do expect to receive a gift after giving one. You may be left stumped as to how to return the favor when you did not budget for a gift, have any idea what to give, or in some cases, did not want to give this person a gift in the first place. Gifting takes forethought; receiving an unexpected gift can leave you underprepared and guilty.
The Expensive Gift
Receiving a present that you cannot afford can not only lead to gift guilt, but it can also lead to feelings of insecurity. You may feel a responsibility to give an item of equal or greater value, even if the item is out of your budget. If you cannot afford a present of comparable value, you may feel as if you must repay the person somehow in the future. It’s common for those of us in this situation to feel a need to go above and beyond in an attempt to return the favor.
The Priceless Gift
When you receive a one-of-a-kind gift specifically handpicked for you, you may feel an overwhelming sense of appreciation and gratitude. Yet commonly, these positive feelings are immediately followed by the feeling of obligation. It is common for people in this situation to feel beholden to the gift giver. This feeling may intensify in situations where you’ve already purchased a gift that you no longer feel is worthy of gifting to them.
The Unwanted Gift
Let’s be honest: we’ve all received a gift that we do not like or need; some of us have received many gifts of this sort. Gift guilt in these situations stems from the lack of feeling gratitude. It is not unheard of for even more negative feelings, such as anger or feeling dismissed, to arise. You may feel as if the gift giver did not listen to your wants or needs, but also still feel guilt due to the societal expectation that you should appreciate all gifts given to you…no matter what.
Key Ways to Beat Gift Guilt
Gift guilt is inherently an uncontrollable feeling that you shouldn’t feel ashamed of. Still, many of us seek guidance on how to navigate this heavy feeling during a season of joy. There are five key ways to deal with Christmas gift guilt.
Acknowledge Your Guilt
“In the realm of gift guilt, awareness is our ally,” says registered psychologist, Rod Mitchell. “Recognizing the emotion – 'Here's a feeling of guilt' – is the first step. This acknowledgment allows us to gently question its relevance to our present selves, easing its grip on us.” Gift guilt is more common than you might think; in fact, it’s a perfectly normal feeling to have. Once you acknowledge your guilt, however, the next steps to healing can become easier.
Practice Gratitude
Taking a moment to appreciate your fortune can lead to increased happiness. While doing so may seem easier said than done, there are several well-documented ways to practice gratitude. Many people have found numerous benefits from keeping a gratitude journal and/or using general gratitude journal prompts. If you’re already a journaler or have considered starting one, writing in a journal that expresses gratitude is an opportune way to process your thoughts and appreciate even the most unwanted gifts during the Christmas season.
““My practice has shown that cultivating mindfulness about the act of giving – finding joy in the thought and effort, rather than the price tag – can lead to an alleviation of this guilt.” ”
Cultivate Mindfulness
“My practice has shown that cultivating mindfulness about the act of giving – finding joy in the thought and effort, rather than the price tag – can lead to an alleviation of this guilt,” says seasoned therapist, Amelia Thompson. Sometimes the gifter genuinely means well, even if the gift itself isn’t what you want. You’re entitled to whatever feelings a lackluster gift brings. There are times when someone gives this kind of gift because it is all they have to give, and they want to give you something. Try to understand the intent behind each not-so-great gift you receive. If you do not believe that the gift giver meant any harm, embrace the saying, “It’s the thought that counts,” and focus on the positive intent instead!
““Communication plays a key role—express your feelings openly and set realistic expectations with those close to you. If you are offended by the gift, have a conversation with the gift giver. Be honest about your feelings but open to any cultural or other differences that could be the root of the feelings towards the gift.” ”
Engage In Open Communication
Therapist and Grief Recovery Center Director, Asma Rehman, contends that, “Communication plays a key role—express your feelings openly and set realistic expectations with those close to you. If you are offended by the gift, have a conversation with the gift giver. Be honest about your feelings but open to any cultural or other differences that could be the root of the feelings towards the gift.” After all, a few words might be all that you need.
Just Relax
Sometimes, a gift is just that: a gift. There are many people who give Christmas gifts with no ulterior motive or desire to receive them in return. Ease your thoughts, allow yourself to relax, and receive the gift with appreciation. Do not feel obligated to return the favor, especially if you cannot afford to do so. If the person is upset that you are unable to purchase them a gift in return, they may not be the understanding friend - or family member - that you need in your life. Also, you can always find another way to honor that person if you so desire. This could be as simple as a genuine thank you in person or handwritten in a letter.
““It’s crucial to recognize that the value of a gift is not solely monetary. Meaningful and thoughtful gestures often outweigh material costs.””
Budget For It
The holiday season is unpredictable, and you never know when you might receive a surprise present. Plan ahead for any last minute Christmas shopping expenses. Doing so could help you to avoid anxiety and guilt. Presents never have to break the bank, even if the other person spent a pretty penny on yours. Staying within your financial limits is the best gift that you can give yourself, while still honoring the other person with an affordable, thoughtful gift.
As Coral Link, a therapist with Whole Therapy Denver, reminds us, “It's crucial to recognize that the value of a gift is not solely monetary. Meaningful and thoughtful gestures often outweigh material costs.”
Be Attentive
Being attentive may help in two big ways when it comes to gift guilt. Attentiveness to body language and tone of voice may help you distinguish the amount of thought someone put into your unexpected gift. Attentiveness is also the mark of a good gift giver. If you’ve received a gift and now want to return the favor, but feel bad about buying a person a generic gift, try thinking about the things that they really enjoy doing or what they have said that they wanted this year. You can never go wrong with something personalized!
Talk To A Professional
In general, therapy during the holidays is an especially good idea, as many of us suffer from seasonal depression around this time. Finding a licensed therapist can help you process your gift guilt and navigate healing in a way that’s specifically catered to you.
Gift guilt is a natural–and for many of us–unavoidable feeling. It’s normal to find yourself in the midst of Christmas shopping, a holiday party, or any other festive activity feeling upset because of an unexpected gift you’ve received. Try to assuage that guilty feeling by using tools like a gratitude journal to release any negative feelings and thoughts.
Always keep in mind that you are not obligated to give someone a gift just because they got you want one. If you want to honor someone who has given you a present, you don't have to spend a lot of money on one big present–small gifts will do just fine! These simple tips should help alleviate any gift guilt felt during this Christmas season.