The ‘Me Time’ Struggle: 7 Solutions for Women
Do you find it next to impossible to create time for yourself, especially when you really, really need it? Someone constantly demanding for your attention, not enough hours in the day, and life seemingly pulling you in all directions?
For many of us, life is a never-ending tumble of responsibilities and noise. Work, kids, family and relationships all demand a lot of time and energy from today’s modern woman. However, it is necessary to create time for yourself amidst all the chaos. Here are seven tips to help you create those moments alone that you so rightly deserve.
Draw Clear Boundaries
You know that one co-worker who never answers work calls past 7pm? They’re on to something.
You can’t have ‘me time’ if you give all your time away. Too often, women feel pressured to give all their time to their various responsibilities and forget that they don’t really owe anyone all of their time. Learn to draw clear boundaries in all your relationships, both personal and professional, so you can have a little space to breathe. Failure to draw healthy boundaries will drain your energy and have negative long-lasting effects on your mood and mental health.
There are many ways you can draw boundaries with your time. You can draw a line between work time and personal time, and make it known to your boss or clients that you simply are not to be reached at certain times. If you have friends or family who constantly infringe on your time, make it known that if they come over unannounced, you simply won’t open the door. If you have very young children, organise for someone you trust to watch them for at least 30 minutes once a week, and tell them not to contact you unless the house is on fire or someone’s bleeding. If your kids are six or older, they can simply play in another room with strict instructions not to interrupt ‘mommy’s me time.’
Personally, one of my professional boundaries as a freelancer is that I almost never take work calls. 99% of the time I won’t even make my phone number available to clients. It’s not on my website, it’s not on my LinkedIn, it’s not even on my CV. Why is this? Calls demand immediate attention, which often distracts from my set schedules. I am fortunate enough that in my line of work almost everything that needs to be said can be said via email. As such, there is no reason to create room to have my time abused. Do some people find this odd? Yes. But does it work? Definitely.
I know that it’s scary at first, because often we are made to believe that the world will come crashing down around us if we don’t make ourselves available to others 24/7. But wouldn’t it be nice to have at least 30 minutes of your day or even just your week when you don’t have someone on your back? Job, kids, partner, or otherwise? You may find some resistance to your boundaries, so also prepare for this beforehand. Except for emergencies, it is important to respect the boundaries you have set, so that they can be taken seriously.
Make The Most of Chores
Multitasking may not be an effective way to create free time, but it does help to add some fun into otherwise repetitive low-effort daily tasks. Try picking a passive past-time that requires very little brainpower or effort to do while getting chores done. This will offer you a small bit of ‘down time’ during what would otherwise be work.
So go ahead, sing along to oldies while doing the dishes. Dance while dusting. Re-watch The Office for the millionth time while folding laundry.
Keep in mind, these need to be hobbies that don’t have any form of productivity as an end-goal, because otherwise you are unlikely to do them effectively. This is not the time to learn a new skill or listen to that audiobook you actually need to remember tomorrow. Research shows that attempting to focus on more than one cognitively demanding activity, i.e. multitasking, slows down productivity.
Build ‘Me Time’ into Your Daily or Weekly Schedule
I know that at first glance, scheduling free time seems counterintuitive and a little bit of a drag. However, it’s actually quite genius.
When you have that blank spot on your calendar it’s so easy for it to inevitably be filled up with last minute social responsibilities or finishing up a work project. If you don’t schedule any of your ‘me time,’ when your boss or your friend asks you what you’re doing next Thursday night, you’ll easily fall into the trap of glancing at your schedule and saying you’re free or you have ‘nothing going on.’
Except you’re not actually free. You do have something going on. It’s supposed to be your ‘me time.’ Scheduling will prevent you from losing ‘me time’ to last-minute added responsibilities.
Create a structure to help you maximize your free time, instead of wasting the first half hour aimlessly wondering what to do with it. Don’t just think to yourself ‘I’ll just unwind on Saturday evening’ and then end up wasting an hour scrolling through your phone while trying to pick out a movie on Netflix. Be intentional about it and be specific about your activity. For example, decide on your activities a week or so in advance and schedule them out like this:
Saturday:
5:00pm - 5:30pm- Watch new episode of favourite show
5:30pm - 6:00 pm- Listen to new episode of favourite True Crime podcast
6:00pm – 7:30pm- Take long bath with cherry scented candles
You’ll be able to prepare everything you need in advance and save time.
Perhaps you think of yourself as a spontaneous free spirit, but if you can’t get half an hour of alone time now and then, then spontaneity is a luxury you may not be able to afford.
Use Technology to Manipulate the Sound Around You
For a lot of us the difficulty in creating ‘me time’ is getting away from all the noise that comes with life. It could be loud family members, annoying roommates, loud traffic or any number of noisy interruptions standing between you and quality alone time.
If you prefer total silence, invest in some good noise cancelling headphones to create some quiet time for yourself. Ear plugs are also an effective option if the noises aren’t too loud and they’re definitely easier on the wallet. That way, you can sip your coffee in peace or finally finish reading that book even if you’re in a room full of screeching people.
Alternatively, drown the noise out. Use some earphones, headphones, or turn up your speakers, to create a perfect little cocoon of sound that you enjoy. A simple trip to the grocery store could transform into twenty minutes of indulgence if you have the right background music.
Create a Private Space
If you live with others, sometimes the problem is absence of a place you can relax in peace. If that’s the case, it’s high time you create a spot to spend your ‘me time’ in. I know that most of us don’t have the luxury of an extra room lying around, so you need to get creative. Reorganize the corner of your living room into a crafting spot, DIY your closet into a meditation space, repurpose some storage space or garage space into an exercise spot. Try to think out of the box; even a scruffy patio, backyard or roof could turn into your special space.
You can even have a private space that still operates as a regular room. Make a deal with your family or roommates that you get sole access to a communal room one or two hours in a week, and voila, a private space.
Alternatively, try outside your home. With some kindness and networking, you might manage to get some temporary private access to a public space. Try your local recreational centre, place of worship, or even a storage room in your workplace.
Wake Up Earlier
I know, I know.
Nobody enjoys losing sleep. But this is a tried and tested method used by overworked parents the world over. Maybe you’re past the point of wanting to pursue a new hobby. You just want a few brief moments of silence alone and everything else has failed. Waking up even only twenty minutes earlier can give you the quiet time you crave. It’s just long enough to get up, brush your teeth, wash your face, make a cup of coffee and sit in a brief blissful silence.
Make Morning and Night Routines
Structuring ‘me time’ around getting up and going to bed is a great way to add small doses of down time in your day. By creating specific routines, it will feel much more like a daily enjoyment than a thoughtless routine.
For your morning routine, do something refreshing that gets you in a good mood for the day. This could be listening to your favourite happy playlist in the shower, doing a five-minute stretch routine, a short meditation or prayer, or stocking your favourite beverage to savour with your breakfast.
In the evening, go for something that helps you unwind. Try a face mask or a skincare routine, reading a book before bed, or simply set a sleep timer on your music app and spend ten minutes listening to soft music before you fall asleep.
All in all, it’s often a struggle to stay healthy and successful without overworking yourself. It is important to pace yourself and take breaks. You can create meaningful time for yourself in the many ways listed above, and this is by no means an exhaustive list.
How do you create ‘me time’? Let us know in the comments.
Author Bio:
Cynthia Kinyera is a freelance content writer specialising in women's wellness. She incorporates her easy-flowing prose, SEO techniques, industry experience and content marketing chops into her writing to craft high-converting content. She aims at using words to educate, entertain, empower readers and help her clients make a dollar or two. She is based in Uganda where you can either find her online, writing, studying for her Law degree or obsessing over natural hair care. Get to know her work at cynthiawrites.com.