So You’re Moving Back In With Your Parents—Now What?
The summer that I turned 26, I moved back home. However, I wasn’t the first of my friends to live with my mom in my mid-20s. Some of my friends had already moved back in with their parents; some had never moved out. My friends and I are just one part of a growing trend: millennials moving back home, or in the case of Gen Z, not leaving home at all. While we all have our reasons, most of them are financial.
In 2023 alone, we have witnessed record rent prices, price gouging, and notable grocery price inflation. The reality is that many adults in this economy simply cannot afford to live alone if they want to. Many can’t even afford roommates.
Still, finances aren’t the only reason that someone may find themselves moving back to their hometown. There are bad roommate situations that make living outside your parents’ home feel overwhelming. There are breakups that lead to homelessness. And for a lot of adults, there is a sense of feeling lost and needing time to regroup and find your purpose.
There are many reasons why someone moves back home to their parents in adulthood. Whatever the reason, here are a few ways that can help you navigate (or change) your new reality.
Set Boundaries
The majority of experts strongly suggest setting boundaries while living with parents. Setting these household guidelines before moving in can prevent disagreements and misunderstandings…for both parties. It can also help you to figure out ahead of time if moving back home is really the best choice for you. Michelle English, a Licensed Clinical Social Worker at Health Life Recovery, tells us that “a written agreement outlining household responsibilities, financial contributions, and personal boundaries may be beneficial.” Be clear with your family on your expectations when moving back and ask that they be clear with you in return.
However–let’s be honest–setting boundaries with parents can be just as difficult when you’re an adult as when you were a child. “When an adult moves back in with their parents, they should know that even though they are an adult, it doesn't mean they don't have to follow rules,” says Clinical and Educational Psychologist, Aura De Los Santos. Some parents will find it hard to give their adult child complete autonomy as if they were roommates.
In a parents' eyes, their child will always need to follow their rules, no matter how old they get. If this sounds like your parents, it may be a good idea to make a pros and cons list. What are the benefits of moving back home and following their rules versus not?
Paying rent with your mental health https://t.co/nuaqdxBATn
— Jas (@symplylivinj) September 21, 2023
Take Care Of Your Mental Health
If you’re on Twitter, you probably have already seen the viral tweets that say something like:
“Whoever said living at home is free lied. I pay for it with my mental health.”
Tweets like these have gained notoriety for a reason. Living at home can often take a toll on your mental health even if you have an amazing relationship with your parent(s). It is usually hard to transition from an adult living on their own to sharing space again with parents and siblings. It can feel like a loss of autonomy or progress.
““Returning home as an adult may trigger feelings of failure or inadequacy. It is critical to remember that this is a common occurrence and does not define your value as a person.” ”
You may start to wonder if the free (or reduced) rent is even worth the price. English continues, “Returning home as an adult may trigger feelings of failure or inadequacy. It is critical to remember that this is a common occurrence and does not define your value as a person.” She believes that creating attainable goals and applauding yourself for achieving them is a great way to boost your mental health.
Other ways to support your mental health during this transitional period can include: seeking therapy, support groups, and venting to friends.
Find Support
“Just because you’re living with parents doesn’t mean you should isolate yourself,” says Kim Homan, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Clinical Director at Tennessee Behavioral Health. “Stay connected with friends, continue or start hobbies, and possibly get involved in community activities. This will not only give you a sense of belonging but also ensure you maintain a healthy balance between family life and your personal life.”
““When you move back home, you’re living amongst your past memories and run the risk of falling back into old patterns and behaviors; it’s important not to lose yourself.” ”
When you move back home, you’re living amongst your past memories and run the risk of falling back into old patterns and behaviors; it’s important not to lose yourself. Having an active social life or continuing to do the things that you love to do without your family involved will help you to keep a strong sense of self. That sense of self will help you to stay on track to move out faster because you'll be more confident in both yourself and your goals.
Set Goals, Make A Plan, And Budget
Most adults who return home plan to do so temporarily. That’s why it is extremely important to make a plan on how to move out of your parents’ house before you move back in.
Senior Manager at Roowaad, Ibrahim Taha, says “When it comes to managing personal expectations and setting goals, I believe in the SMART criteria—making sure your goals are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound.” While you may not be starting your own business, you should treat the goal of moving out of your parents’ house the same as a real business plan. Don’t just be SMART in your goal-setting. Be honest and kind with yourself when you’re making this plan. It’s encouraged that your first goals be small so that you can build up to the big ones.
If you moved–or are planning to move–back home strictly due to finances, creating a budget is perhaps one of the most important things that you can do. There are several ways to learn how to budget if you don’t feel ready to do it yourself. Whether it’s by watching peers’ “How I Spent My Salary” videos on TikTok or watching YouTube videos from a financial advisor, you can learn what to (and not to) do.
Whatever your goals are, Aanant Bisht with Self Discovery Wellness Center suggests that you should “pеriodically assess your progrеss and rеadjust goals as needed. Regular chеck-ins with yoursеlf and your support nеtwork contributе to maintaining focus and motivation.” Tell your friends about your plan so that they can help you stay accountable and cheer you along the way!
For many of us, moving back home is not our first choice. However, with proper boundaries, support, and a plan, living at home can yield many benefits. Not only can you save money (while eating more homemade meals), it allows you to pursue passion projects that you may have delayed, as well as provide the opportunity to reconnect with family and with yourself. Keep a growth mindset during this transitional period in your life; you’re more likely to receive the benefits of living at home if you try to look at the glass half-full, rather than half-empty.
““Keep a growth mindset during this transitional period in your life; you’re more likely to receive the benefits of living at home if you try to look at the glass half-full, rather than half-empty.””
Remember, this temporary situation doesn’t make you a failure. On the contrary, you succeeded at the one thing most adults struggle with: putting pride aside and accepting help. Take this time to applaud yourself and prepare for an even better future!