6 Simple Ways You Can Start Teaching Gratitude To Children Right Now
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Feeling gratitude can be hard in real life. Work can be draining. Health can be concerning. Politics can be just plain scary. It’s not always easy for adults to feel thankful, and that’s partly because most of us weren’t taught gratitude as children. Sure, most of us were taught manners; we were told to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’ But gratitude is so much more than expected gestures.
Gratitude is a complex concept that is difficult to understand at any age. It is an emotion that is not easy to explain: feeling gratitude is a genuine state of being thankful and appreciative. For many people, this is a similar feeling to happiness.
But, the benefits of gratitude cannot be oversold. Gratitude is proven to lessen the chances of feeling lonely; boost relationships and prosocial behaviors; increase life satisfaction in adolescents; and foster resilience in the face of adversity. Research tells us that consistently feeling gracious will lead to improved well-being, even when you’re not able to change your circumstances, only your outlook.
Instilling gratitude in children at a young age will ultimately enhance their quality of life. So how do you do it? How do you teach kids gratitude?
Teaching a child gratitude is like teaching an infant to walk. You have to start with baby steps and go from there.
Showing Thanks
There’s a big difference between saying thank you because you have to and saying it because you want it. Forced thank yous can be offensive and dismissive. At best, they can be empty words. That is why it is important for us to go one step further when teaching kids how to say thank you.
How to explain being thankful to a child can be quite simple. Show a child what appreciation means by telling them not just thank you but why. This could look like asking a child to hand you a remote control. You can then say, “Thank you. I’ve been wanting to watch my favorite TV show all day and you handing me the remote helps me out!” Of course, you don’t have to explain why you’re thankful after every exchange, but it helps to show children the meaning behind the words. This will prevent empty or half-hearted please and thank you responses.
After all, manners are only nice when they’re genuine.
Enjoy Nature
Nature is all around us, and hopefully will continue to be for a very long time. This is why a solid foundation for gratitude can start with appreciating nature. Show a toddler a pretty sky and watch their awe or help a child climb a tree and let them know how trees help the earth. Take time with your child to find the little inspiring things in life—anything from the stars to a nearby river. This will help them learn that we should be just as appreciative of the tall buildings as we are thankful for the dirt underneath it. This approach will help a child feel thankful for all things big and small.
Teach Understanding, Not Entitlement
It’s hard to feel gracious when you feel entitled. Entitlement creates a sense of high expectations that make feeling pleased—or even content—difficult. Entitlement is taught when we act or say things in front of children that imply our needs are more important than anyone else’s. Everyday examples of this include cutting lines because you urgently have somewhere to be or getting upset with a retail worker because they’re taking too long speaking with the customer in front of you.
““It’s hard to feel gracious when you feel entitled. Entitlement creates a sense of high expectations that make feeling pleased—or even content—difficult.””
Instead, teaching a child understanding will help them realize that life is full of ups and downs. These highs and lows do not mean they’re unimportant or undeserving. It simply means that they are sharing the world with billions of people where anything can happen at any moment. Bring awareness to the importance of understanding that each person deserves kindness. This will in turn help a child appreciate the retail worker, instead of feeling frustrated by them.
Give Compliments
Compliments are words and gestures of admiration; they actively appreciate something or someone. Giving compliments both directly to children, as well as indirectly around them, is another way to show—and not just tell—what gratitude truly means. When you tell a child you love their pink sweater, you may help them realize how thankful they are for their grandmother who bought it for them.
Giving compliments is not the same as reminding a child of how lucky you think they are. Phrases like “You should be thankful you’re so smart!” are not compliments. These assertive phrases often lead to entitlement and/or a loss of self-esteem, as a child may start to wonder why they don’t feel as lucky as you said they should.
Have a Gratitude Journal
The act of physically writing things down requires more brain power and improves memory. This could be why having a gratitude journal for kids can significantly help to build a foundation for gratitude. A gratitude journal can suit any child's reading and writing level. Younger children may find a sort of color book gratitude journal useful, where each color represents a different level of thankfulness. An older child may want to take on the daily challenge of writing down what they were appreciative of and why.
If your child is struggling with a personal gratitude journal, try making it a family exercise. Pinpoint a highly frequented area in your home, such as the kitchen or a doorway, hang a board or sticky notes there, and have the whole family add items when they’re feeling grateful. A family gratitude list may also help you discover what your child or other family members enjoy most!
Volunteer
Volunteering may be among the most advanced steps in teaching gratitude to kids, but it doesn’t have to be. Taking a child along with you to a safe volunteering event can show them what it means to give back in real time. This could be done by helping a church set up its turkey giveaway or cleaning up a local park. The act of giving back to others helps most of us feel appreciative of our own lives at any age.
However, it’s very important to teach a child the difference between feeling appreciative of their life and feeling sorry for someone else’s. You will want to avoid phrases like “that poor man” when referring to a person who has experienced circumstances that make you uncomfortable. Phrases and demeanors such as these can begin to instill a savior complex within children, which can be actually quite harmful to other people they may meet.
Gratitude isn’t something most of us were taught as kids. We see the negative effects of this every day from general apathy to grandiose entitlement, from depression to loneliness. Countless studies show us that gratitude is the key to better well-being, so helping to teach gratitude to young kids will only help to increase their chances of living an overall happy life.