5 Tips To Stop Being A Perfectionist
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As someone who spends the majority of their days writing and planning content, editing, taking photos, and writing social media captions, I can fully understand the weight of perfectionism. I am that person. I obsess about every comma in a blog post; I obsess about the site design.
Sometimes I wake up at night with an idea so bright that I can’t go back to sleep until I’ve worked it out. While I’m very proud of being so hands-on with Swift, it does leave me open to the sometimes overwhelming weight of self-induced stress and anxiety.
I say self-induced but, truly, that’s what it is. How many people would notice if there was a casual typo in a post? A bit of code off on the site? (Okay, that one is probably true. I’m no designer.) I ask myself often: Would it change the value that I provide?
As creators, we’re always growing and changing. Where we started doesn’t have to be where we finish. Our best right now may be our mediocre later. We might look back and cringe at our past work—I know that I’m guilty of this one, too. But that’s okay. Perfection is unobtainable. I have to remind myself of that frequently. What is important, however, is how we grow and adapt and change from where we started from.
““I once read somewhere that ‘imperfection is a form of freedom.’ How true that is! Because, when we allow it to, perfectionism becomes all-consuming. It robs the joy from our passions and creates a place where we find ourselves constantly chasing happiness and satisfaction. The problem, however, is that we never truly succeed because we never truly reach the end. One more project; just one more mouse click. “”
I once read somewhere that “imperfection is a form of freedom.” How true that is! Because, when we allow it to, perfectionism becomes all-consuming. It robs the joy from our passions and creates a place where we find ourselves constantly chasing happiness and satisfaction. The problem, however, is that we never truly succeed because we never truly reach the end. One more project; just one more mouse click.
To some extent, we all struggle with perfectionism. But at what point does “doing a good job” turn into a toxic headspace? That’s why we’ve rounded up five of our favorite tips to help you to break free of the negative perfectionist mindset and free your mental health.
How to Stop Being a Perfectionist
Dispel The Negative Talk
From the book, When Perfect Isn’t Good Enough: Strategies for Coping with Perfectionism:
“In general, asking yourself some of the following questions may help you to challenge the perfectionistic thoughts that contribute to your anger: Is this situation really as important as it feels? What if this situation doesn’t go my way? Does it really matter? Do I need to control this situation? Is my way the only way to view this situation? Would another person necessarily see this situation the same way as I do? What if things don’t work out the way I want them to? Do I know for sure that things will turn out badly if I don’t get my way?”
Take a moment to step back and look at your situation. What about it is causing you tension? If you uttered your problem out loud, what would it sound like? Allow yourself to be critical of your own negative self talk by facing it head-on. Perfectionists are consumed with the idea that their work isn’t good enough or that they are not good enough. This negative self-talk can snowball into a larger issue as it affects your productivity, mental health, and self-esteem.
Instead of: “I should never make a mistake.”
Trying using: “I’m human and we all make mistakes.”
Instead of: “There’s no way they’re going to like this article.”
Try using: “This post may resonate with many people, and they will feel seen.”
(This is, at its very core, everything that we strive for at Swift.)
Simply changing your thought process from the negative into the positive can have a tremendous effect on how you react to your situation.
Kick the All-Or-Nothing Mindset
Have you ever said (or been told), “If you can’t do it right, don’t do it at all?” To assume that you are perfect 100% of the time is a fallacy. In fact, the “perfect or else” mindset is unrealistic. Think about all of the historical implications if Alexander Fleming hadn’t mistakenly discovered penicillin. What if your favorite author hadn’t taken their book to another publishing house when the first one passed on it? That band that you just heard about? They’ve been living in their van and playing shows for years before getting their big break. None of these are the “perfect” story—because the perfect story doesn’t exist.
It’s incredulous to think that achieving success is a linear process. No marathoner reaches the finish line without a bad workout. Rembrandt didn’t paint the perfect picture without first throwing away thousands of others. Think in terms of progress, not perfection.
““You build on failure. You use it as a stepping stone. Close the door on the past. You don’t try to forget the mistakes, but you don’t dwell on it. You don’t let it have any of your energy, or any of your time, or any of your space.””
Ask a Friend
When in doubt, take yourself out of the equation. Let yourself ask for the help of others. When we find ourselves so obsessed and engrossed in our own project, sometimes we forget to look at the bigger picture. Have you ever tried to spell out a word and stared at the letters for so long that they no longer made sense? Let your friends or coworkers to be your support system and allow you to crowdsource the details. A different perspective could help you to expand on an idea that you might have otherwise missed.
Just Say “No”
As perfectionists, we’re driven by the increasing need to do more—and for me, better—than everyone else. Breaking the habit is about the ability to step away.
By saying “yes” to so many tasks, we place an extraordinary level of pressure on our shoulders to perform. We then become terrified of making mistakes and our work slows. A project that might have otherwise taken 20 minutes, takes an hour. Work backs up and we find ourselves procrastinating.
““People think focus means saying yes to the thing you’ve got to focus on. But that’s not what it means at all. It means saying no to the hundred other good ideas that there are. You have to pick carefully. I’m actually as proud of the things we haven’t done as the things I have done. Innovation is saying no to 1,000 things.””
Perfectionists often procrastinate as a way to avoid the fear of mistakes or a job poorly done. Instead, prioritize a schedule, placing realistic deadlines on yourself and acknowledging when you are at your capacity. This allows you to focus on the task at hand and not become frozen from perfectionist indecision.
Walk Away
How do you stop these obsessive thoughts? When in doubt, walk away. If you’re becoming annoyed with a project, ruminating over a problem, or are at a creative lull, take a break. Go outdoors and take a walk. Listen to a podcast. Unwind with a long bath. Sometimes simply taking a step away from the problem gives your brain enough of a mental recharge to approach the situation differently when you return. According to the book Rest: Why You Get More Done When You Work Less, Alex Soojung-Kim Pang notes that most people are only productive for 4–5 hours a day. That’s 25 hours a week! Use this creative time wisely and invest in yourself.
Do you have tips and tricks for defeating perfectionism and anxiety? Leave them below!