How To Identify Your Love Language (And Speak Your Partner's, Too)

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From cute Instagram photo dumps to the wild world of TikTok, you’ve probably heard about love languages. I’ve often seen a comedic spin on what someone's love language could be, like “Grilled cheese sandwiches are my love language,” or “Sitting in the same room while doing different things is my love language.” Both are very valid and maybe one of your own, too.

However, if you didn’t already know, the term love language was coined by the marriage counselor and author, Gary Chapman. Through his research and study, he wrote The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment, thus developing the 5 love languages. He believes that all human beings engage, share, or even crave love in these forms.

Let’s be real, relationships are tough, and learning about the meanings of love languages is just one of the many ways to make them easier and more fulfilling. Over time, learning your partner’s love language–as well as identifying your own–can help to build a stronger and deeper connection in the long run.

An Easy Guide to Love Languages, Their Meanings, & How to Identify Your Own

Firstly, What is a Love Language?

The simple definition of love language is how we receive and express love in relationships, especially romantic ones. The five love languages as described by Chapman are:

• Acts of Service

• Words of Affirmation

• Receiving Gifts

• Quality Time

• Physical Touch

Unofficially, two more love languages were recently released—Emotional Security and Shared Experiences—which are all about connection. (However, we will focus on the original five love languages.)

““Everyone is different, so it isn’t far-fetched to think different people love in different ways, too. As humans, we all speak each of the five love languages, however, there are usually two or three that we are most fluent in, resonate with, and feel connected to.””

What is Your Love Language?

Everyone is different, so it isn’t far-fetched to think different people love in different ways, too. As humans, we all speak each of the five love languages, however, there are usually two or three that we are most fluent in, resonate with, and feel connected to. 

Below you can identify which are your love languages and which ones speak most to you.

Acts Of Service

The love language “Acts of Service” is described by Certified Sex Therapist, Aliyah Moore, as: “...when your actions speak louder than words. Your partner feels most loved when you lend a helping hand and do things that ease their burden.” This means various acts of kindness make you feel most loved and if so, should be communicated to your partner for a deeper connection.

Signs “Acts of Service” is your love language:

• You appreciate when your partner has dinner ready for you at home on busy days 

• You feel loved when your partner surprises you with coffee and pastries on a Sunday morning

• You love when your partner cleans the house while you’re on a business trip

Words of Affirmation

Moore also shares that “Words of Affirmation” is the love language that “…is all about using genuine, uplifting words to make your partner feel valued and loved. Compliments, encouragement, and kind affirmations go a long way in boosting their spirits and making them feel appreciated.” When your partner has a special way of speaking with you, these words can hold far more weight than others. If this makes you feel warm inside, that’s a positive sign that this is one of your love languages!

Signs “Words of Affirmation” is your love language:

• You like it when you are showered with compliments 

• You feel loved when your partner says, “I am proud of you!”

• You love reading small notes and letters from your special someone

Receiving Gifts

Moore continues, “Receiving Gifts is all about the thought and effort behind the gift. It's not about spending a fortune but rather about finding something that resonates with your partner.” Think of the gifts that you’ve recently received; how did they make you feel? If thoughtful gifts make your heart flutter and brighten up your day, receiving gifts is most likely your love language.

Signs “Receiving Gifts” is your love language:

• You feel love when receiving a surprise gift from your partner after a business trip 

• A shopping spree with your partner or friends brings you lots of joy and excitement

• Your heart feels extra full when your partner buys you a gift and tells you, “This made me think of you.”

Quality Time

“Quality Time” is another love language that is expressed by planning and making it a priority to spend time with your partner. Moore shares, “Quality Time is about being fully present and engaged with your partner. When you dedicate your undivided attention to them, it shows how much they matter to you. Put away distractions and engage in activities you both enjoy.” This activity can be as simple as making time to take a walk or scheduling time to be with each other at home without your phones. When someone has Quality Time as their love language, showing that your time is important to them is what makes their heart and mind tick.

Signs “Quality Time” is your love language:

• A quiet night stargazing together is enjoyable

• You enjoy when your partner wants to meet you for lunch throughout busy work weeks 

• A night walk with your dogs to chat about your day makes you feel loved

Physical Touch

Lastly, Moore explains the fifth love language: Physical Touch. She shares, “This love language thrives on physical affection. Whether it's holding hands, hugging, kissing, or simply a reassuring touch on the shoulder, physical closeness makes your partner feel secure and cherished. Human touch releases oxytocin, the ‘bonding hormone,’ so your warm gestures help build a deeper emotional connection.” Some may feel that this is an obvious love language, and though it can be, not everyone feels the most loved and connected to their partner through only physical touch. However, if you believe hugs and holding hands are essential to you in romantic relationships, physical touch is most likely your love language.

Signs “Physical Touch” is your love language:

• You prefer to sit close to your partner on the couch while watching your favorite shows 

• Forehead kisses feel extra special to you

• Holding hands is important to you - no matter the occasion

So, which love languages speak to you the most? Licensed Medical Counselor, Ian Jackson, shares, “To identify your love language, consider what makes you feel most loved and appreciated. Reflect on past relationships and think about what made you feel most cherished.” This is a starting point to know yourself better and build a stronger, loving relationship with your partner. 

If you want confirmation, take the free love language test here. It will provide you with the top two love languages that match your personality!

Which Love Languages are Compatible?

Some love languages work well together, while others may require more effort. However, all love languages can be present and mesh well if there's mutual understanding and labor from each partner. Jackson further explains, “Some combinations may require more work. For example, if one partner's love language is receiving gifts and the other's is acts of service, it might take some time for both partners to understand and meet each other's needs.” Once you’re able to identify both your love languages and your partner’s, you will be able to see what works best and what doesn’t work for your relationship. When practiced with intention, you can both be fluent in each other’s love languages.

““Even if you feel like you know your partner well, use this guide to select their love language and try speaking it or learning it fluently.””

Overall, love languages are important. We all have some connection to each of the five languages even though some may stand out to you more than others. Even if you have a little bit of skepticism, learning how to love your partner, as well as ways to feel more loved yourself, is never a bad thing. If the love languages interest you and you’re ready to learn about yourself, take the test and encourage your partner to take it, too. Even if you feel like you know your partner well, use this guide to select their love language and try speaking it or learning it fluently. Although love languages are most valuable in romantic relationships, you can explore how they play a role in your other close relationships with friends and family, too!